drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
