"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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