When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i need some magic done to my vagina
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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