I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
