She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
