I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
