just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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