I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
did i just pee glitter
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
