sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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