he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Rumble strips road head = magical
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
