i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
