What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
