Nicole vs. Life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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