No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
