I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
