she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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