I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
