Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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