1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we have officially lost it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
