How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
