you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
