I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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