You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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