How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
smell my finger.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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