i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
