I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
