He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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