i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
