Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is wine microwaveable?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
