I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
