dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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