She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
