Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
