Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
