Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
