your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
