it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
