i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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