haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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