Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
