I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
