We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
