you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
