She's JV to your varsity
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
