me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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