It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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