my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
