I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
