How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
