Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
they're like a gay fantastic four
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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