I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
