New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
