I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
