my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
