Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
a search helicopter?!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
