Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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