There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
