I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I will die if light touches me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're a waste of cheezeits
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
