either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
